Catharsis
ca·thar·sis (kuh-THAR-sihs)
- A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear, described by Aristotle as an effect of tragic drama on its audience.
- A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.
Light floods in as the lid is removed. A face, peering. Recognition registers.
So I was going through some of the “I’ve moved this how many times?” boxes a few nights ago in preparation for my move to SF this summer when I stumbled upon a box that had the love notes my ex had written to me. All along and even after the divorce I’d saved them. All of them. And there in the bottom of that cardboard cube had they slumbered, unread and unremembered, for the five years since the Long Winter.
Sitting cross-legged. Handwritten notes whisper from orbit in a voice long unheard.
Though I’d looked through many of the physical artifacts from our relationship from time to time over those many months – indeed, I’ve gotten rid of most of them – this was the first time that I had read through all those words, all those declarations of love and hope and fear from a girl that would later deny them to a boy that no longer exists.
Pages float down to a bed of ash. The match springs to life.
These were the last remnants of our time together, unnecessary burdens that I had no need of. So I took them out back, opened the barbecue grill, dropped them in, and burned them. Not out of anger, nor sadness, nor lamentation, nor pain. Just… release.
Memories and dreams, bound to a past unjoined to a present continuity, are liberated by the cleansing flame.
I stood there and watched the paper curl and burn as a slight breeze tempted bits of ash into the night sky and I allowed myself one final reflective smile about the past.
Then I turned, came inside, and shut off the porchlight.
Good for you.