It’s a Black Knight kind of Friday

“Black Knight” [4:24] via the new Monty Python channel on YouTube

Transcript via Sacred-Texts:

ARTHUR:  You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.
  I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
  I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me
  in my Court of Camelot.
  You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?
  You make me sad.  So be it.  Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT:  None shall pass.
ARTHUR:  What?
BLACK KNIGHT:  None shall pass.
ARTHUR:  I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must
  cross this bridge.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Then you shall die.
ARTHUR:  I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
BLACK KNIGHT:  I move for no man.
ARTHUR:  So be it!
  [parry thrust]
  [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]
ARTHUR:  Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
BLACK KNIGHT:  'Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR:  A scratch?  Your arm's off!
BLACK KNIGHT:  No, it isn't.
ARTHUR:  Well, what's that then?
BLACK KNIGHT:  I've had worse.
ARTHUR:  You liar!
BLACK KNIGHT:  Come on you pansy!
  [parry thrust]
  [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]
ARTHUR:  Victory is mine!
  We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
BLACK KNIGHT:  Come on then.
ARTHUR:  What?
BLACK KNIGHT:  Have at you!
ARTHUR:  You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Oh, had enough, eh?
ARTHUR:  Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Yes I have.
ARTHUR:  Look!
BLACK KNIGHT:  Just a flesh wound.
ARTHUR:  Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Chicken!  Chicken!
ARTHUR:  Look, I'll have your leg.  Right!
BLACK KNIGHT:  Right, I'll do you for that!
ARTHUR:  You'll what?
BLACK KNIGHT:  Come 'ere!
ARTHUR:  What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT:  I'm invincible!
ARTHUR:  You're a loony.
BLACK KNIGHT:  The Black Knight always triumphs!
  Have at you!  Come on then.
  [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT:  All right; we'll call it a draw.
ARTHUR:  Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Oh, oh, I see, running away then.  You yellow
  bastards!  Come back here and take what's coming to you.
  I'll bite your legs off!

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