“Black Knight” [4:24] via the new Monty Python channel on YouTube

Transcript via Sacred-Texts:

ARTHUR:  You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.
  I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
  [pause]
  I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me
  in my Court of Camelot.
  [pause]
  You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?
  [pause]
  You make me sad.  So be it.  Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT:  None shall pass.
ARTHUR:  What?
BLACK KNIGHT:  None shall pass.
ARTHUR:  I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must
  cross this bridge.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Then you shall die.
ARTHUR:  I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
BLACK KNIGHT:  I move for no man.
ARTHUR:  So be it!
  [hah]
  [parry thrust]
  [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]
ARTHUR:  Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
BLACK KNIGHT:  'Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR:  A scratch?  Your arm's off!
BLACK KNIGHT:  No, it isn't.
ARTHUR:  Well, what's that then?
BLACK KNIGHT:  I've had worse.
ARTHUR:  You liar!
BLACK KNIGHT:  Come on you pansy!
  [hah]
  [parry thrust]
  [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]
ARTHUR:  Victory is mine!
  [kneeling]
  We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
  [hah]
BLACK KNIGHT:  Come on then.
ARTHUR:  What?
BLACK KNIGHT:  Have at you!
ARTHUR:  You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Oh, had enough, eh?
ARTHUR:  Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Yes I have.
ARTHUR:  Look!
BLACK KNIGHT:  Just a flesh wound.
  [bang]
ARTHUR:  Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Chicken!  Chicken!
ARTHUR:  Look, I'll have your leg.  Right!
  [whop]
BLACK KNIGHT:  Right, I'll do you for that!
ARTHUR:  You'll what?
BLACK KNIGHT:  Come 'ere!
ARTHUR:  What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT:  I'm invincible!
ARTHUR:  You're a loony.
BLACK KNIGHT:  The Black Knight always triumphs!
  Have at you!  Come on then.
  [whop]
  [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT:  All right; we'll call it a draw.
ARTHUR:  Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT:  Oh, oh, I see, running away then.  You yellow
  bastards!  Come back here and take what's coming to you.
  I'll bite your legs off!

Get Smart is hitting the big screen next summer.

YouTube: Get Smart trailer

I don’t recall having heard about this one before now, which is odd given how quite wonderful the casting is:

• Steve Carell as Maxwell Smart
• Anne Hathaway as Agent 99
• Alan Arkin as the Chief
• The Rock Dwayne Johnson as Agent 23
• Terence Stamp as Siegfried

Awesome.

[via rmjwell]

Goonies vs. Pirates!

YouTube video mashup via Neatorama, via i am bored

Saw The Transporter for the first time tonight, which is, admittedly, a little strange, given I watched its sequel last year.

The rules:

1. Never change the deal.
2. No names.
3. Never open the package.

The first act had the same frenetic pace I remember Transporter 2 having, but then it seemed to get bogged down in some sort of strange, vague, half-assed almost-romance between Jason Statham’s titular character and Shu Qi’s character.

Throw in a supposed double-cross that came out of nowhere (and went back there just as quickly) and a climactic action scene ripped off from (and done better in) Raiders of the Lost Ark, and it adds up to a rather disappointing movie.

My advice: Skip it, and queue up Transporter 2 instead.

Or, even better, watch Crank.

www.ifilm.com/presents/spiderman3

I didn’t mind the rock songs being worked in. Sure, it was a done lot clumsier than in A Knight’s Tale, but ’twas tolerable.

I didn’t mind Kirsten Dunst in the role. Well, not too much. She was… um… pretty in the fantastic period costuming by Milena Canonero.

(I’m starting to think that Bring It On and, to a lesser extent, the Spider-Man entries are the only movies of Dunst’s that I will ever like her in.)

I did, however, mind that the movie was boring. That it was ponderous. Self-indulgent. Interminable.

The ruthless editing of Borat was sorely needed here.

Yes, Sofia, I see the pretty landscape. Oh, and, my, isn’t Marie looking very lonely as she peers out the carriage window! And the constant whispers of the French court; well-noted. Oh, look… another landscape. That’s… nice… More forlorn window-gazing…? Yes, symbolism! How very, very smart of you!

An aside: I hate it when people talk in movie theaters. I mean out-loud, big-boy-voice talking. Whispering? S’fine. Carrying on a conversation? Say hello to my little friend.

So it’s a pretty good indication of just how horrible this movie was that a trio of movie-ruining harpies was merrily gabbing away (at a volume you might use on the subway, or perhaps on a motorboat) just a couple seats to my left and I didn’t care.

But wait, there’s more.

I spent the movie marking time until the end (and resisting the temptation to go fetal) because, I reasoned, at least I knew how the story ended.

Silly me.

The movie ends with the departure from Versailles, before the guillotine.

And then I looked up to find that the clock had jumped from 11pm to just after four in the morning. Gadzooks.

Bed.

Woke up late on Saturday. Tried to coordinate plans with Jamie, but ended up pushing them to Sunday. (She was in a weekend credentialing class longer than she’d expected; I was moving in super-slo-mo.)

Saw Borat. Let me tell you right now: It is as good as everyone is saying. Star/producer/writer Sacha Baron Cohen really took Faulkner’s advice to “kill your darlings” to heart: All the excess in the movie has been capably trimmed away, leaving it a lean, 84-minute comedic gem. (Are you listening, SNL?)

Oh, and I love the flick’s full title: Borat!: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

Saturday night, I attended the Lesbian/Gay Chorus of San Francisco‘s performance of their fall concert, “Turn the World Around,” an eclectic mix of music from around the globe, most of which was sung in languages other than English.

The show was fantastic. I highly encourage anyone who has not yet done so to take in one of their performances; the next one listed on their website is at the “17th Annual Home for the Holidays” concert hosted by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus on Christmas Eve.

(Oh, and my friend Remy had a killer solo! W00t!)

Got together with Jamie on Sunday and had a blast. Movie (Marie Antionette; more on that later), browsing through shops (Cost Plus and a nice secondhand book store), and dinner (Olive Garden).

Definitely one of the better weekends I’ve had recently.

This looks like it’s gonna be good.