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From, of course, The Onion.

There’s No Way I’m Saving That Guy
By Jesus Christ

All right. I realize I am supposed to be all-merciful, universally loving, the Light and the Way and everything, but even a divine avatar of the Supreme Being’s loving grace has His limits. I know I’ve said many times that there is always room for one more — even the lowliest — at the table of the Lord, but even so, there is just no freaking way I’m redeeming this S.O.B.

But wait! There’s more!

This is not a good time for my extracurricular events.

• I was offered a chance to make it into Club 33 this weekend (thanks, Sara!), but had to decline ’cause it would’ve cost a bundle to jam down to Anaheim.
• That’s okay, as it happens, because I got violently ill late Thursday night. Whatever it was, it kicked my ass six ways to Sunday; I only started to feel somewhat human yesterday.
• Comic-Con starts Thursday. For the first time in seven years, I’m not going.

For those of you going to SDCC, or for those who are merely curious about the impact of the con on downtown San Diego, here’s an article on locals’ reactions to the invasion of “Nerd Prom.”

“It’s huge business for us,” said Dan Flores, marketing manager for the Gaslamp Quarter Association.

He hesitated, then broached the sensitive part: “The attendees are … ”

Different?

“Different. But they don’t all come in costume.”

This is kind of cool:

The 100 oldest currently-registered .COM domains

Church Street MUNI station, 13 July 2006

From Wired News:

As movie costumes go, it was both small and fleeting, occupying only two minutes of screen time in Return of the Jedi, which many call the weakest of the original Star Wars films.

But nearly a quarter-century later, Princess Leia’s slave-girl costume occupies a unique position in pop culture and shows no signs of slipping.

[Link to article]

So apparently I missed this little bit o’ smackdown since I avoided the World Cup:

There has been much speculation about what prompted France’s Zinedine Zidane to head-butt Italy’s Marco Matterazzi. And now, apparently, we know:

It is the question on every football fan’s lips. What did the Italian footballer say to prompt Zinedine Zidane’s shocking headbutt in the closing moments of Sunday’s World Cup final?

The answer, it has emerged, was a vile stream of racial and personal abuse.

First Marco Matterazzi called the French star the Italian equivalent of ‘n*****’, and then insulted both his mother and his Muslim background by saying he is the ‘son of a terrorist whore.

Zidane got red-carded and ejected, and France lost.

…and then Zidane was declared the game’s best player. Oops.

Shame was replaced with the glow of the Golden Ball award for the tournament’s best player.

For FIFA the award – voted for by journalists before half time in the final game – will be an unwelcome embarrassment.

And, just for the hell of it, here’s a Zidane head-butting game. Simple and violent and wholly satisfying.

ALL YOUR SNAKES ARE BELONG TO US!

(Thanks, Cindy!)

There are no instructions… can you figure it out? Click, Drag, and Type to solve each puzzle, but be warned — they’re difficult! (Sound required)

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